After a lifetime of battling my weight, I'm determined to win. This blog chronicles my journey. Stay tuned for the downs and ups of the scale, dieting, exercise, and life.

Starting Over (Again)

I'm back. Defeated. Dejected. Depressed. And still weighing 235 pounds. I'd hoped that by now I'd weigh...200 - maybe 190. I expected to be back to at least a real size 16, maybe even a (large) 14.

But no.

Just like every other time, I crashed and burned. Life got in the way. I started wearing my hair straight. Work got busy. Everything else became a priority. And well, ice cream tastes good, and working out is hard.

So now I'm back. And not so gung ho. I'm actually pretty apathetic. Because although I want to lose weight. I NEED to lose weight. I don't know if I have it in me. I was in a tele-seminar yesterday and the facilitator asked: What can you commit to? And I don't know what I can commit to. I hate working out...well I do now that I'm huge and out of shape and am so far away from the exciting place of lifting so much the guys at the gym are impressed. I love food. I love everything about it - watching it being cooked, cookign it, talking about it, learning about it, reading about it. How could I possibly become one of those boring no oil, no butter, no salt, everything held on the side people?

So I'm back. Not sure what that means. Yet.